just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
