Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
