i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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