There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
