My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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