the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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