seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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