no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
