New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
