apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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