I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My ATM looks so different sober.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
