Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize