Do you still have your period?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
