Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
