She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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