I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
