A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
