The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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