he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
