We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
did i just pee glitter
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
