dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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