Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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