woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
