don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
