All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
