I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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