I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
