We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
