your thong is hanging out like whoa
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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