Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
