So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
