im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
