he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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