i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are the jesus of drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
