is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
