Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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