apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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