I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
