i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
