I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
