so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
