The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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