and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
