you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
