I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
