Well douche your snatch and let's go!
handjob tips. give me some.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
