Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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