Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
