You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
