I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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