I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
