playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
