Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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