He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
