I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
