The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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