bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
