Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
