I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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