well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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