So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
