She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
