I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
