It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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