Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
