Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
