first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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