I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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