We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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