How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
